A
guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little
perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Damn,
I wonder what happened to this parrot?'
The
parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.'
'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered
me!'
'I
got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent,
and a thoroughly educated bird.'
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks. 'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your
perch, without any feet?' 'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing,
but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a
little hook. You can't see it, because of my feathers.'
'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand, and can speak English,
can't you?'
'Actually,
I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable
competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics,
philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to
buy me, I'd be a great companion.'
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford
that.'
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody
wants me, cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20,
just make the guy an offer!'
The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The
parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting,
he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's
insightful. The guy is delighted.
One
day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot says to him, Psssssssssst,'
and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you
this or not, but it's about your wife, and the UPS man.'
'What
are you talking about?' asks the guy.
'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at
the door, in a sheer black nightie.'
'WHAT?' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'
'Well, then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie,
and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.
'NO!'
he exclaims, 'and she let him?'
'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees,
and began to kiss her all over.'
Then
the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'
DUNNO! I got a hard-on, and fell off my perch!'